Sunday, May 4, 2008

Scared to Lose Him

Rob got home yesterday from the hospital and is feeling great. Today he took Matthew and Brandon to a friends house for a cookout. Tommy and I opted to sit this one out. I've been in a hospital for over a week now and sitting in my silent living room while Tommy naps is Heaven right now.

While I have the time and there is nobody home, I decided to look up information on Congestive Heart Failure. I have read everything from diet and exercise can reverse the affects and the heart will restore itself all the way to 50% of people diagnosed die within five years and many within the first year. That was hard to swallow.

When Rob and I got married, I just wanted us to grow old together. To raise our family and have our dreams come true. I deal with enough stress every single day wondering how much time I have left with Tommy and now my head hurts just thinking I could lose Rob. I can't. I just can't lose him! He's only 34 years old. We have our entire lives ahead of us!

I have been sleeping so much this week and I can't seem to feel rested. I wake up exhausted and with a headache. Of course I'm not telling Rob how I feel. I have to be strong for him. I have to be strong for my boys. Matthew is old enough to understand what is going on. I've tried to explain that even though Daddy will have this forever, as long as he takes his pills and stays on his diet then things will be okay. I think I'm trying to convince myself too.

My mother in law is having a hard time, I think. She still INSISTS that Rob talk to his doctor about being put on ADHD meds. No matter how I try to explain it to her, she won't listen to me. Those meds can KILL him. He attempted to get a new prescription for himself a few months ago. The doctor told him he needed a reevaluation first since it had been 2 years since he'd taken them. At the time we were angry and put out. Now we know that statement saved Robs life.

I will spend the rest of my life saving his life. The food he eats, making sure he takes his medications, walking with him. Making his doctor's appointments for him. I said when Tommy was diagnosed with his heart defects I would do "Whatever It Takes". That doesn't change now. I will do it for Rob too.


Awesome Mom said...

I am sorry that I missed all of this due to being out of town. I am glad that your husband is doing better now. It is scary to think of loosing a family member and I can't imagine what I would do with out my husband. Hang in there!

Anonymous said...

Rene I can only imagined how scared you must be. Perhaps this is an opportunity to start over with a healthy lifestyle that will benefit the whole family. There's nothing like the threat of losing your health to bring that to the front burner. I hope that the changes you will have to make will turn things around for Rob. I wouldn't worry too much about what you've read on the internet. All people being different and all, you'll have to wait and see how this works for his body. It could very well make a huge difference. I'll be thinking of your whole family and waiting for news of how it's going. Hugs. - Susan

Diagram of Tommy's Heart Defects

Diagram of Tommy's Heart Defects
Double Inlet Left Ventricle with Transpostion of the Great Arteries