Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! I know it will be a wonderful year. I have been saying how rotten that 2008 was, but truth be told, there were some great moments! Tommy learning to say "mama", Matthew and Brandon going to public school, the laughter and the fun we had as a family. The joyous memories that were made. Our family misses Tommy, but we have only good memories of him! I cannot think of any sad times with him. Yes, he was ill, and we had typical bad days that any family would.

I miss changing trach ties and 3 a.m. trips to the ER! All of the hard work with Tommy never seemed like work. I don't know why this year was so challenging, and I wish Tommy were still with us. I am forever changed. My outlook on life has changed. I used to be rushed and precise. Nothing matters so much anymore. We take longer with our errands, we take time to just play around every day.

Our old bedtime routine used to be breathing treatments, medications, moving equipment and fighting with the older boys to just go to bed as I was dropping on the couch at midnight for a few hours of sleep. Now, there are bedtime stories and prayers every night. No fights at bedtime. Life isn't better, is isn't worse. Just different. I miss Tommy's devilish attitude and fighter spirit. But because he is gone, I can now see what I was missing too. Its not a trade off. I wish I could have it all.

2009 will be a year of healing, of raising awareness, of learning about myself and thoughtful meditation. Of loving my husband, parenting my children, and remembering the smell of Tommy's head and the constant twinkle in his eye.

Christmas Miracle

Rob went outside to begin ripping apart the engine to get to the alternator. He had a hunch and tried to start it first. It fired up the first try and ran with no issues for about 10 or 15 minutes! He thinks it was so cold last night that the battery froze up.

In my last post, I mentioned how I can't wait to say goodbye to this rotten year. I'm so thankful that I can update with good news! Life is getting better just a little bit at a time.

I Cannot WAIT

To kiss 2008 goodbye! This has been the year of "what can go wrong will go wrong". Our latest fun is the alternator went out on our van, but luckily, we are safe at Rob's mom with the boys. We were here yesterday for a visit and when we tried to leave, we couldn't. We actually had the van running for about 10 minutes to warm up when it started to die, so thank goodness it died in her driveway and not 10 minutes down the road in the freezing cold with the boys!

So this morning, I am sitting with the boys having breakfast. Brandon, always the creative one, is having his breakfast while wearing Matthew's gloves. When he is done, he's going to watch cartoons and Matthew is going to play computer games. I'm going to take a nap with Rob on the living room floor because we've had only 3 hours of sleep.

Around noon, Rob is going to start tearing down the van so when his mom gets home, we can go pick up the part. We are waiting for it to warm up. As of now at 9:15 a.m., the temperature outside is 6 degrees with a wind chill of -10. That's COLD! I really hope that a belt slipped and we don't have to replace the entire alternator.

Time for my nap!

Christmas Updates

I wanted to include Tommy in our Christmas celebrations. It's been so hard without him, but the closer Christmas gets, the more at peace I feel. We had talked about putting a tree on his grave, and a few days ago, Rob's aunt found the perfect tree, so we all went together and put it up for him. Here it is.



I miss him more than ever, but the happy memories that we hold in our hearts are filling our lives with joy during our very sad times. Rob's grandmother has a picture of Tommy being held by Santa on her refrigerator. Every time I see it, I am filled with love.

I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas. Rob had a job interview last week. No job yet, but the prospect of him starting after the first of the year is there. We've applied for social services help. So far we have been approved for foods stamps, so at least the boys will have good stockings this year. We hope to have Medicaid and a State check approved by the end of the month. Some income is better than NO income and by getting a check, we will be required to do community service. Looks good on the resume and we might just turn it into something full time.

I feel so very blessed by having had Tommy in my life. I have found that he was a catalyst for so many things that have happened in the past year. I know he was an Angel sent from Heaven to teach me about love, compassion and healing. How I wish I could just hold him one more time though...

Holidays

Wow, time is flying by us. Thanksgiving has come and gone and Christmas is upon us. Kentucky is beautiful and we've actually seen a dusting of snow. Tommy never did see snow... I'm sure he's enjoying watching us from Heaven.

Rob and I are still looking for jobs in this horrible economy! Luckily, we do have a warm roof over our heads and food in our bellies. Matthew and Brandon are well and doing wonderful in school. Life has been good to us the past few weeks, despite the challenges we've faced without jobs.

I am hoping everyone that reads this blog will open your hearts and send up a prayer that good jobs will come from all of the applications and resumes we've sent out!