Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Too Much!

How do I explain my living situation without the whole world turning against me? Because that is what today feels like. I was called to a meeting at the school with the Resource team under the guise of offering me assistance with their programs.

Instead, I was sat in a room with 4 other people as they voiced their concerns about my family. It was a bunch of nit-picky little things that made me feel attacked and belittled. I was told Matthew's clothes look frumpy and disheveled. Funny, those are the clothes the school gave him. I was told I MUST walk my children to the bus stop each day even though I can see them from my front door or the bus driver will report me and the school will "take action". In other words, report me to social services for neglect.

I work odd hours and sleep odd hours. They are appalled that I am doing laundry at 3 in the morning, so they are referring me to someone to come to my home to help me get organinzed. People, I don't need to get organized, I need sleep! I need my kids and my husband to pitch in instead of leaving everything to me. Somebody coming to my house making lists and pie charts is not going to fix anything.

I feel like because I am not a Suzy Homemaker that I am not a good parent. Yes, my kids have issues, and I am addressing them. I don't need the school psychologist telling me that my kid's behavior is from lack of sleep because of MY job. I don't understand what they want from me, although they "sweetly" told me in writing everything that I am supposed to be doing.

I am ready to tear my hair out. I get no help at home, I'm working to support my family on just my income and I feel like all I do is work and sleep. I should be sleeping now, because I have been called into work on my day off, but I can't sleep because I'm so mad!

Their idea of help was to attack and bully me. I feel like I have to quit my job to stay home with the kids full time to make sure they do their homework, take baths and have a clean home. But then, who would provide the income? Oh wait, that's me again. My house is a wreck and instead of using my day off to clean (like I always do on my day off), instead I have been called into work. Another day not at home with my kids. I never see them.

I'm so tired. Physically, emotionally. I don't have time to do anything. I need a break, but it's not going to happen. I'm already under so much stress that I ended up in the emergency room last month with heart palpitations. I'm not allowed any more caffeine. What I need is a week. I need two days to completely rest up, 5 days to completely rearrange, reorganinze and scrub my house-without kids around to mess it up again, then two more days to recover. My job doesn't offer paid vacation time.

I have one hour before I leave for work, yet again, so I am going to attempt a nap. So far I've managed to squeeze in two short naps since I got out of work last night of three hours each. I hope when I wake up, my house is clean and I'm a size 6.

5 comments:

Michelle Earnhart said...

Sweetie, I hear every word you are saying and applaud you for saying it all out loud.. or at least in a blog! The world sees what it wants to see. And when someone doesn't want to help or doesn't know how to help, they tend to just say things like, "oh, she needs counseling" or "oh, she's just messed up." I'd give anything to be surrounded by people that just didn't feel the need to tell us how we need to fix or problems.. like we aren't already trying... e.g. "have you tried taking ibprofen for that headache?" "have you tried putting heat on you backpain?" .. one day, someone will hear me say.."OF COURSE, YOU FREAKING MORON!!!!"

Susan said...

Hugs. I'm sorry you're having a hard time. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to work nights. I hope you can catch a break.

ChristophersHeart said...

Hi there,
My heart aches for you, you've endured so much already and this is such an added burden.

What about a family meeting with your husband and your boys? Directly assigning them some everyday jobs to help you out? Start small and work up to more jobs? And what about your hubby? Is he around to help - you said you were the only income and I wasn't sure if he's in school/training or at home? If he's at home can he take on meals/general tidying up?

I don't understand why the school has it's feathers in a bunch about wrinkled clothes. My daughter is 4, dresses her self and looks a mess most times. Kids are wrinkly! I'd rather have messy kids that are happy than miserable super tidy ones!
Does the school realize you are working on family challenges and do they aknowledge the fact you are a family still coping with an enormous loss? I feel they should be more sympathetic.
I wish I could do more to help and to get you sleep.

Wendy
Mom to Maddy and Chris (with multiple CHDs)

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry you are having a bad time, hugs! Just do one thing a day. Don't try to over do it. I know that's easy to say. I would set the clothes out for the kids - 5 outfits for 5 days of school on saturday or sunday. One thing done for the week. If it's messy then throw it away or put it it away. You will get through this. Make your husband help. Give him a list with 4-5 things on it for him to do each day. I truly hope things turn around.

Nancy said...

I am appalled and so upset! HOW DARE THEY ATTACK YOU?!!! Oh, how I want to make each of them walk a mile in your shoes. Not one of "them" would make it an hour!

Now: there's no reason why your hubby can't do housework, right? If he's not at work then why can't he pitch in? Boys can have daily chores and the very least your hubby should make sure they do their homework, get them to bed on time and walk them to the bus.

(((hugs)))

Diagram of Tommy's Heart Defects

Diagram of Tommy's Heart Defects
Double Inlet Left Ventricle with Transpostion of the Great Arteries