Friday, August 7, 2009

Random Thoughts

Coming into August, I was nervous I would be a wreck every single day, but strangely, life has been somewhat normal. My friend Sheila came down from Indiana for a couple of days and we went to visit Tommy's grave. I guess it is becoming more routine for us, because for once, I didn't cry and the boys laughed as they picked wildflowers to scatter on his grave. Sheila did cry, but it was reality for her. She'd never been.

What else has been going on with us? The boys started school on Tuesday and both of them are loving it.

Rob's grandmother had her heart repaired about 3 weeks ago and is finally well enough to come out of sedation. What a great blessing! It was very touch and go in the beginning.

I managed to sprain my left wrist at work on Tuesday night. Bummer. It really hurts, but I am keeping it wrapped and as long as I don't move it too much the wrong way, it's fine. It hurts a lot less today than it did yesterday, so I am hoping by the end of the weekend, all will be well.

Rob and I, along with some friends started the Atkins diet on Tuesday as well. After the first two days, Rob and I weren't so sure that a high fat diet was good for our hearts, so we have modified it to our needs. Lean meats most of the time and low carb veggies. No butter, salt, fat, mayo or grease. We do indulge in bacon occasionally, but other than that, everything has been lean. I've lost 5 pounds in 3 days. I know, it's all "water weight", but who cares...I've never lost 5 pound in 3 days on any other diet. My goal is to be somewhere in the 135 to 150 range. The scales this morning said 212. I have a long way to go! I am considered to be in a pre-diabetic state, so this has double the health benefits for me by cutting out the carbs. The best part of this diet is that working in a convenience store we have a plethora of pork rinds. LOVE them and they're zero carb. Any time I get the munchies, I grab a bag. Now to find out where we keep the zero carb chocolate chip cookies.

I have a few things coming up in the next two weeks. Matthew has shots next week, I have been invited to hear a speaker on losing a child, my birthday, and finally, the BIG day. The one where I plan to hide in my room and cry all day, but maybe I will surprise myself.

Tommy was joy. Instead of feeling sad and sorry for myself that day, I should make his memory a thing of joy. Yes, there will be tears, I can't stop the tears, but I CAN stop getting prepared to be sad. Tommy's life is worth celebrating every moment. Maybe this is acceptance. Maybe it's denial. Either way, it is not pain today. It might be tomorrow, but for now, I will take feeling good and feeling myself surrounded by Tommy's love.

1 comment:

Sheilacakes said...

I had a blast with you! It was fun! Hell ya I cried. I bawled like a baby. Thanks for comforting me. It was real ya know. I'd seen pictures of the grave but actually being there was like bam. I am glad we went though because I really wanted to be there and visit his grave. I know that Tommy is up in Heaven and blowing us kisses.

Diagram of Tommy's Heart Defects

Diagram of Tommy's Heart Defects
Double Inlet Left Ventricle with Transpostion of the Great Arteries