Still Angry

I'm going to vent for a minute. When a child dies, please PLEASE don't tell the parent it was meant to be or that their child is in a better place. Or it was God's will or that God wanted him/her back. A BIRTH DEFECT and a VIRUS killed my child. NOT God. No, he's not in a "better place" because he belongs in my arms. "Suffering"? My child died in less than 45 minutes and never felt a thing. The only one suffering is me, 4 years later. Don't say it will get better because it doesn't. It changes, but its never better. Don't tell me I will see him someday, because I'm selfish and greedy and human and I want him NOW. Hearing about the death of another child just brings it all to the surface, making me sick to my stomach and angry all over again. And if one more person tells me how strong I am because I wake up every day after my son died... I'm not strong, I'm merely surviving in this shell of a body. Just because you can't see my burdens and because I laugh out loud doesn't mean I'm not screaming inside every moment of every day.