Tuesday, July 14, 2009

The Darkness

Today marks one year of the end of the happiest days of my life. In 48 hours, my kids will be snatched from my home, Tommy will be hospitalized and will never see home again. I have a lot of anger and pain that I need to let out, but don't have the strength to let it come to the surface. I am hoping to begin dealing with the countdown to the one year anniversary of Tommy's death.

The days are slipping past me unnoticed. We have found a new beginning as a family, but there will forever be something missing. I don't know what subjects will pour from my heart over the next few weeks, but know, they ARE from my heart.

Today, right now, at this very moment life if good. Rob is napping, the boys are playing a computer game together and enjoying each other's company. I have my feet up for a little while because I will be standing for the rest of the evening. I am tired today, because it is my Friday. I am fortunate enough that most of days I do not want to remember happen to fall on my days off. Like tomorrow. I will spend a moment remembering those last hugs and snuggles as I put Tommy to bed for the last time in his very own bed. Had I known, I would have never washed his sheets. I wish I could smell his little head one more time. Hear his laugh. Feel his little hugs around my neck.

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Diagram of Tommy's Heart Defects

Diagram of Tommy's Heart Defects
Double Inlet Left Ventricle with Transpostion of the Great Arteries