Namesake

I've got to get something off my chest. It hurts me so much and I don't know how to deal with it. When I was a Sophomore in high school, I met a boy named Thomas. That is his real name, but we didn't call him by that.  That's all the information I'm willing to give about him (for his privacy). We had so much fun together. There was never anything romantic between us. He was my bud. Once, I spent the night at his house and we made crank phone calls. I slept in his sister's room. We watched "West Side Story". I loved him like my own flesh and blood.

He came to my wedding when we were just 18. He was there for me.

Soon after, he went into the Navy and through his travels, we lost touch. I frequently sent letters to his parents to forward to him, but eventually they moved away and I lost all contact with my friend. For years and years, I searched. This was before the internet was popular and accessible. My heart was broken.

Years passed me by, Thomas always in my heart. We moved to Charleston and soon after began my search again. Charleston used to have a Navy base, so I was hoping there was a clue there to lead me to him, but that wasn't meant to be. As the internet became more accessible, I did more digging. I joined Classmates.com, but he wasn't there. He was gone.

Several months after joining, I saw his name. I cried and payed for the full membership to have the ability to leave him an email. I left my phone number and said a prayer. Less than a week later, my phone rang. It had been about 7 years since I had last talked to Thomas. We talked all night, and many more times. We shared our stories about our spouses, our kids, our lives. Eventually, he would come to see me! Time had changed us, but he was still Thomas.

I would find out about a year later I was pregnant with a very special little boy. Rob and I chose the name Thomas, after my friend, Lee for Rob's middle name and decided to call him Tommy Lee after the drummer in Motley Crue. If it hadn't been for Thomas, Tommy would never had been Tommy.

Eventually, the Navy would take him around the world again and eventually the calls and emails stopped. The last time we had contact was around the time Tommy died. I've been able to track down where he is living and I've sent him several messages. All unanswered. I don't know why.

Had we grown apart? Did I offend him by naming my son after him? Is Tommy's death too much for him to face? Or is is something I will never know. It's so hard.

Thomas, if you ever get a chance to read this, I love you. You were one of the best friends I ever had in my entire life. I miss you. I hope someday we can pick up where we left off. I hope your life is well. I've seen the parts you've played in reviews. I wish I could watch in person. I bet you're still amazing on that stage.