Bittersweet Mother's Day

Yesterday I was awakened by my 11 year old bringing me breakfast in bed. He fixed me a bowl of Corn Pops and replaced the milk with Yoohoo. It was actually pretty good, and a feast compared to last year! Last year, I went to the grocery late Saturday night after I got out of work and bought a ton of easy to make breakfast foods. Microwavable croissants with sausage, egg, and cheese, donuts, juice and milk, and a few other things. I was hoping when they woke up and saw the breakfast things, they would bring me a beautiful breakfast in bed. Wrong! They woke up, saw the loot and got down to business, eating every morsel. I woke up on my own several hours later to a rumbling stomach and no Mother's Day breakfast. So for him to at least bring me a bowl of cereal was more than generous and thoughtful this year!

Right after breakfast, I did a quick update of Facebook to see what everyone was up to for the day and discovered on of my best friends had a very sick daughter. Her daughter has a long history of getting very sick very fast. She told her mommy it was time to say goodbye. She's better now, but at the time, I turned to Rob and told her what she had said to her mom. Remembering what we had gone through with Tommy, watching him sick and finally saying goodbye overcame both of us. It's so hard not to miss him on a regular day, but this was Mother's Day. A day to spend with your children and celebrate being a mom.

Tommy wasn't my only child I wasn't able to hug yesterday. My oldest is in another state, adjusting to life there. Of the 4 pieces of my heart, half of them were missing.

I didn't have time to dwell on being sad. I had work. I was hoping to treat it like any other day, but when I took a break, I saw updates on Facebook about their great Mother's Day, and I also saw updates from moms like me who had achy, empty arms. It was a slow day at work, so I did the only thing that would make the day right. I went to the parking lot and blew bubbles for Tommy. I carry them in my purse for occasions like this. Sometimes I start missing him so much I need to send him bubbles to show him how much I still love him.

The rest of the day went by quickly. Soon the rest of May will be gone and school will be out. Both boys have summer birthdays to look forward to. I should be okay on nervous breakdowns until July. On July 17th, Tommy will have been an angel longer than he lived on Earth. Don't know how I feel about that yet. Forget about August and September. I'm just going to crawl under the blankets and come back out in October. 

I made sure and hugged my boys a few extra times yesterday and tried my best not to yell. Some days it's hard to be a mom, yelling at the kids to pick up their mess, stop picking on each other, take a bath, stop picking their nose, etc. But you've got to be thankful for those moments. It can be gone in a heartbeat.