Thankful Doesn't Cover It

It's Thanksgiving. Technically. Last year, I did not know what to do with myself. We'd recently lost Tommy and we had just settled back in Bardstown. Life was hard, stressful and very sad. Rob and I were treading new territory in our marriage. I had much to be thankful for, but it was a struggle.

For the two previous years, Thanksgiving did not exist for me. Tommy lived for two Thanksgivings. Both were spent in the hospital. First, as a newborn, struggling to live after open heart surgery and all of its complications. I don't even remember how I spent the day or where I had dinner. I just remember my little guy in PCICU for his second month. The next year, we were back again. This time with the flu. He'd had the flu shot and the booster, but he still got the flu twice that season. Lots of oxygen, lots of breathing treatments, lots and lots of suctioning his trach so he could breathe. My sweet hubby brought me food and I was able to have a wonderful meal from the volunteers as well. We had a lot of love surrounding us, but it was still a long two weeks in that hospital room.

Thanksgiving has always been a fun time for me. I never miss the Macy's parade, but this year I will. Our antenna isn't working. I could walk next door to Rob's grandparent's house, but I really hoped to snuggle up in bed with my boys and watch from home in our jammies. I don't want to get and trudge across the field at 9 in the morning with cranky kids just for tradition's sake. Plus, they don't care about the parade anyway.

Thanksgiving this year is such a blessing. Rob's grandmother survived heart surgery and is up and about, better than ever. I have a good job, the kids are doing well. My marriage is healthy. I am well. Part of me will always be missing, but I know he's with me always, just slightly out of reach.

I've been putting in all nights and weekends on my job. I miss lots of birthday parties and family dinner on Sunday afternoons. I am so fortunate that Thanksgiving happens to fall on my regular day off. I spent today with Rob and the boys. We cleaned house and I made deviled eggs for my side of the family for tomorrow. We will have lunch with Rob's family and then dinner with my family. It's going to be a long, fun day. Thank goodness there is no school Friday, so I will get to sleep in. No Black Friday for me!

Thankful, blessed, loved. Tommy would approve.