This is What True Love is All About!

This is the CHD Awareness video from the God's Special Little Hearts website. Tommy is in the video. Forget the snow, forget the ice... THIS is what is important! Please come walk with us!

Just A Few More Days!

Just a reminder to please check out the God's Special Little Hearts website. The heart walk will be February 7 in Owenton, KY. This is taken directly from their website:

Our 2009 Walk for Awareness of CHD's will be held on Saturday, February 7th from Noon - 7 p.m. at the Owenton First Baptist Church Family Life Center in Owenton, Kentucky. We will have live entertainment from local gospel/Christian groups; food will be served throughout the day; a slide show of CHD survivors and angels will be played throughout the walk; information will be available on CHD's; vendors will be available so that you can shop for that special someone for Valentine's Day while supporting our Walk; we will also have a recognition walk for CHD survivors and the family of angels at 3 p.m.

The proceeds from the Walk will benefit the Kentucky Children's Hospital/Cardiology Division at the University of Kentucky and God's Special Little Hearts, Inc. Both are non-profit organizations.

Here is a Google Map for anyone needing directions.


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Beautiful Dream

Last night I had the most amazing dream about Tommy. This is the first time I've dreamed of his spirit visiting me instead of just a dream about him (as a person vs being a spirit). I dreamed I was at my mom's house in my old bedroom and I felt drawn to look out the window. He was there, as a reflection, smiling back at me. He was laying on his side and he appeared shimmery, silver and white. Very Heavenly. He said "Hi Mommy! I miss you!" I told him I missed him too. I then realized he had his voice. We played a game every mommy plays with her two year old. "Tell mommy what the cat says"...Tommy said with a smile, "meow". "Tell mommy what the dog says"..."woof-woof". "Tell mommy what the duck says"...after a second or two, "quack-quack" followed by giggles.

I woke up and as I remembered the dream, the tears fell. Bittersweet tears that only a mom missing her baby could cry. He looked so beautiful. I know in my dreams last night I was visited by the sweetest angel. My angel. My Tommy.

Been 5 months

I can hardly fathom that yesterday marked 5 months since Tommy passed away! Around 7 last night, I curled up on my bed with his Wub (little red dog he slept with every night since he was 3 months old) and had myself a good little cry. As the first silent tear fell, Calli, our cat, meowed and jumped on the bed. She nuzzled me and licked my nose. Then she curled up next to me as close as she could get and just laid there for me to hold. I knew Tommy whispered in her ear to comfort me.

Today we took Brandon to his new doctor. He's been put back on the Tenex for now, but the doctor told me he would not be surprised if he didn't need a stimulant as well in the near future. Brandon was so out of control that the doctor didn't even hesitate to write the prescription. Brandon has been out of medication for about a month now, so this is a welcomed change.

Rob and I are doing wonderful. We've recommitted ourselves to our marriage and family. It's a fresh start for us and we couldn't be happier. Life is good. He's getting unemployment again so we have some income now. As soon as we get our W2s in the mail and can file our taxes, we are going to use the refund to travel back to South Carolina to get our belongings out of storage. I can't wait to have that bill eliminated!

We've also ordered internet! Woo-Hoo! I should be online at home by Monday afternoon. Cable internet here is so inexpensive. In Charleston, we were paying about $65 a month for internet. Here, we will be paying about $25. What a huge difference. Now I can post my resume in the middle of the night instead of going into town and sitting in the library parking lot. And, I can keep up this blog on a regular basis again.

I knew this already, but the past year has just brought it to the forefront. Every day is a miracle. Cherish what you have in your life, because it can be gone in second. Hug the ones you love. TELL them you love them. I was holding Tommy less than an hour before he died. He was just here. I guess I'm glad that at the time, I didn't realize we were losing him, but if I could go back, I would have climbed on that bed with him and held him as he took his last breath and kissed his tiny head while there was still life in him.

I found several pictures and video "hidden" in my computer this morning. Brandon and I have had a great time reliving our memories. We are going to participate in a CHD awareness walk. Please check out the link and join us if you can. God's Special Hearts . God's Special Hearts has a paypal button at the bottom of the page on this link. No money will go to me personally, but to the organization to help other kids with heart defects. My mother in law walked last year while I was in Charleston. This year, we are walking together, along with a friend or two coming in from out of state in Tommy's honor. Feel free to contact them and join us at the walk.

Brandon's Christmas Pageant

So cute! Brandon's class sings Frosty the Snowman at the Christmas pageant. I was actually given the wrong time, so I missed it, but Rob's cousin found another parent had posted a video! Yay!!! Brandon is the teeny little boy on the very end farthest away from the camera. The one looking around and NOT singing. He said later he was scared. He's still cute as a button.

Wonderful Week

What a wonderful week we've had! The boys transferred schools and now live with us full time. They love the school and we are getting on a great schedule. They're helping with chores, doing homework, and going to bed on time.

The weather is beautiful and cold. I miss being warm, but this is nice snuggling weather.

Brandon is talking (and crying) more and more about Tommy. For so long, it was just him blurting out things like "Tommy is dead". Now he is telling me how much he misses him and can't remember him. I've already got therapy lined up for him.

Not much more to update. I cut my fingernail, so I have to keep it taped until it grows out enough to fix it. Honestly, that is the worst thing that has happened to me in many weeks. That is so nice to say!

Friendly Rivalry

I know I'm back in KY now! It's a HUGE day today. It's the first basketball game of the season for University of Kentucky (UK) and University of Louisville (U of L). The "Cats and Cards" can divide families, LOL! For instance, Rob and I root for the Kentucky Wildcats while his mom and cousin root for U of L. Matthew flip flops teams depending on which family member he's with and Brandon loves the Cardinals.

The game starts in just a few minutes. I'm so excited to see who wins, just for bragging rights in the family.

Go Cats!!!!